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Air Force Mistakenly Bombs Stuntman’s Museum

Washington, February 19, 2002

In an action reminiscent of President Bush’s Monday verbal gaffe which sent the Japanese currency market plummeting, the US Military apologized today for mistakenly bombing stunt rider Evil Knievel’s Motorcycle Museum in Butte, Montana yesterday.  Advertised nationally as “The Axles of Knievel”, the museum was apparently targeted by an overzealous Air Force Intelligence staffer at Colorado Springs National Reconnaisance Office, who took the President’s State of the Union Address too literally.

And apparently, it was not the first such mistake.  A few hours later, a US Navy spokesperson acknowledged that they recently had accidentally shelled a retail outlet in Galveston, Texas specializing in tools and art supplies called “Axes and Easels.”  Yet a further gaffe was revealed tonight, as the US Marines confided that a week ago Marines landed at a suspected enemy training camp in Louisiana that turned out to be a breeding farm for various rodents, called “Access to Weasels.”

Asked to explain the rash of mistakes, Presidential spokesperson Ari Fleischer responded, “Gosh, it’s clear that our military love our President, and will do anything for him.  It's not their fault they can't always figure out exactly how.”  Fleischer went on to explain that the military has had to lower intelligence scores to maintain readiness.

“But we don’t feel that what a man lacks in his head counts as much as what he has in his heart. President Bush has demonstrated that himself many times,” Fleischer explained.

Fleischer went on to suggest that a recent statement by the President that he barely knew Enron’s Kenny Lay, contradicted yesterday by the release of dozens of letters between the two by the Texas Archives, may have been a similar misunderstanding.

“I’m sure that what the President thought he heard was: did he know ‘he can eat Lay’s’ as in the potato chip.  And as we all know the President has stayed away from all snack foods since a recent incident.”

One critic of the President was quick to pounce on that defense.

“Next thing you know he’ll say he confused raising the arsenic standard with the ‘arse-lick’ one,” growled Rep. Barney Frank.

President Bush’s confusion of the words “devaluation” and “deflation” led to a brief currency crisis in Japan Monday, until State Department officials were able to correct the error.